Have you ever expected something to go one way… and then it unfolded completely differently?
Maybe opinions clashed. Food got burned. Or the weather didn’t cooperate.

Too often, we allow the things that weren’t “supposed” to happen to dictate how we feel and how we show up in the world. And when that happens, we end up feeling like a victim of our circumstances.

But what if it didn’t have to be that way?

This time of year has a way of waking up invisible shoulds and expectations we didn’t even realize we were carrying. Rules about how things are "supposed" to be. How people should act. How you should feel.

This week on Inner Work with MaryAnn Walker, I talk about something I call holiday manuals — the invisible lists of expectations we carry in our heads about how the holidays are “supposed” to go.

And full transparency?

This episode did not go according to my manual.

I had planned a full, joyful holiday conversation with my friend and fellow coach, Kellyn Legath. We were recording from different states, and I fully expected technology to be on our side.

Instead, technology had other ideas.

We recorded… twice… and I ended up with only part of our beautiful conversation. I wanted to cry.

Old me might have decided, “Well, this is ruined. I won’t publish a holiday episode. I’ve failed my people.”

But instead, I chose something different.

I chose not to hand my emotional state over to my circumstances.

Because that’s what manuals often do — they quietly put our peace in someone else’s hands.

I’ll be okay if they show up better.​
​I’ll enjoy this if it goes the way I imagined.​
​I’ll feel joyful if everyone follows the script in my head.

And when that script isn’t followed? We feel frustrated, resentful, or disappointed — even when no one technically did anything “wrong.”

In this episode, Kellyn and I talk about:

• Why unspoken expectations often turn into premeditated resentment
• How holiday manuals show up with family, gifts, traditions, and even the weather
• Why expecting yourself to be cheerful 100% of the time is a losing game
• How radical acceptance helps you respond instead of emotionally react
• Practical ways to communicate needs without guilt or drama

We also explore something I think is especially important for sensitive people:

💛 You’re allowed to be human during the holidays.​
You can feel joy and irritation.
Gratitude and exhaustion.
Love and the need for space.

Nothing has gone wrong if you’re not the Hallmark version of yourself.

If you’ve been feeling pressure to perform, to keep the peace, or to hold everything together, I hope this episode feels like a deep exhale.

And if listening helps you realize, “Oh wow… I’ve been carrying so many manuals,” please know you don’t have to navigate that alone. Support is available — and change doesn’t require perfection, just awareness and compassion.

You can listen to the episode here 👉 https://maryannwalker.life/podcast​

Wishing you gentleness, flexibility, and permission to let this season be what it is — not what it was “supposed” to be.

With so much care,
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PS: If the holidays bring up big emotions, old patterns, or people-pleasing habits you’re ready to loosen, I have a few openings coming available for January. Simply reply to this email to inquire about my one on one coaching packages! And if I'm a little slow to reply, it's because I'm in recovery from minor surgery. But I WILL get back to you.

Here's to a happy holiday to you and yours. 💛

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MaryAnn shares empathetic, understanding, spot on insights and strategies that help me manage my anxiety. Sometimes I get hung up on a diagnosis and look to understand it as best I can not realizing that what I usually need are techniques and reframing to handle my symptoms. MaryAnn does an amazing job of creating a space that does exactly that. Thank you! ~Kelly with the 5 kids