Hi, friend!

I want to share a word with you that completely shifted how I think about relationships: ayni.

Ayni (pronounced eye-nee) is an Andean principle that means sacred reciprocity. It’s about balance, mindfulness, and sustainability in relationships.

That sounds beautiful, right? But let me tell you why it matters.

Recently, I had a dream that shook me. In the dream, I had agreed to babysit a friend’s kids for a week. I knew the expectations, I said yes wholeheartedly, and it went well. But when she came to pick up her kids, she also brought a suitcase and announced she’d be staying in my home for an additional week as a “thank you.” I didn't have the time to host for another week. I didn't have the food. I didn't have the energy.

But instead of saying, “That doesn’t actually work for me,” dream-me fell into old people-pleaser patterns. I felt obligated to accept her version of gratitude, even though it drained me.

That dream was such a clear picture of what happens when reciprocity gets out of balance. On her side, she thought she was giving. On my side, I felt burdened.

And that’s the difference between transactional reciprocity (scorekeeping or sameness) and ayni.

Ayni asks: What’s actually needed to sustain this relationship?

It’s not about giving exactly the same thing back. It’s about mindful balance. I didn't need a week of adult conversation after a week of childcare. I needed a sincere thank you and time to rest.

Ayni is like tending a garden. If I only took produce from the garden without watering, weeding or replanting, soon there would be nothing left. The garden would dry up and I would be without food. That's not a sustainable relationship. True reciprocity chooses to meet the real needs so that everyone involved can flourish.

For recovering people pleasers like us, this is especially important. We’re so used to over-giving that imbalance feels normal. But imbalance always leads to burnout, resentment, or disconnect.

So how do we practice ayni? Here are two places to start:

1. Ask for what you need. Sometimes the most reciprocal thing you can do is simply be honest.
2. Notice unexpected forms of reciprocity. A gift doesn’t always look like the one you gave. It might show up as encouragement, tamales, or a listening ear. But what you put out does come back.

Ayni is a mindfulness practice. It’s about intentionally noticing where energy is flowing and where it needs to go so that relationships are truly nourishing—for you and for others.

✨ This week’s reflection: Where in your life do you feel out of balance? And what one small shift could help restore sustainability in that relationship?

I’d love to hear your thoughts if you want to hit reply.

And if you’re ready to go deeper—if you’re tired of over-giving, feeling drained, or struggling with obligation—I’d love to work with you one-on-one. Together we can explore what balanced reciprocity looks like for you and create more sustainable, fulfilling relationships.

Simply reply to this email to get started.

Want to learn more? Watch or Listen to this weeks podcast on Ayni! I will see you there!

With gratitude and balance,

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"A must-listen for recovering people pleasers and HSP's! MaryAnn offers compassionate guidance, powerful tools, and relatable insights to help you reclaim your energy, voice, and sense of self." Riane Nix